IC Contact Post [Hadriel]

[mismanagement]

This is Maketh Tua. State your business.

Comments

[lifetothefullest]

[It would be difficult not to catch the change in her tone, but he doesn't comment on it.]

Yes. There are no miracle cures, and it's sometimes a long process, but it's entirely possible.

[mismanagement]

[That's what Emily said. Sometimes it takes years. A lifetime. Maketh considers this a moment. How much time does she have, really? Maybe not enough to change herself in the ways that matter. But maybe enough to try, just a little.

She promised to try. So she will.]

I see.

[She nods, meeting his eyes briefly.]

Then I will try.

[lifetothefullest]

[He smiles a little, finally, because he believes she means it. And that's the best start that can be hoped for.

Now he has to decide whether to keep on this track or back up slightly and return to working out a few others, but he thinks this is the most important one and potentially the root of several issues. Therefore he decides to stay focused here for now, quickly thinking over what she's said and what techniques he knows in order to figure out where to begin.]

Okay, you said you have people you care for, yet find yourself thinking this way about. I'd like you to think of one of them, and you don't have to name them, but tell me two positive things about them that are completely unrelated to how beneficial or useful they might be.

[mismanagement]

[Something in Maketh balks at that almost immediately - she cannot possibly betray the people she loves and sharing information of that nature is certainly a betrayal - but she swallows it down. It takes a moment. Her throat hurts. She breathes through it.

Focus. Don't be foolish.]

They're clever. Much smarter than anyone knows.

[Emily is so very clever.]

And honest. Even when they shouldn't be.

[lifetothefullest]

[He watches her reaction carefully, trying to read the reason for it, but whatever it is she seems to move past it and offers two very good answers.]

Great. Take a moment to think about those two things and remember that you chose them. In the future, whenever you catch yourself thinking about that person's worth in terms of their usefulness, remind yourself of what you said about them here and how much more important these traits that you told me are. Can you try to do that?

[mismanagement]

[Maketh frowns. What if the situation requires her to think in stark terms? What then?]

Yes. I can try.

[lifetothefullest]

[He sees that frown, and decides this is as good a moment as any to begin prying a little.]

You seem to have hesitations about that idea.

[mismanagement]

There are situations when you cannot think like that.

[Maketh twitches a little. Forces her hands to lay flat.]

It slows you down.

[lifetothefullest]

That's true, and if it's an emergency then do whatever you feel is necessary at the time. This exercise is more about breaking the pattern in thinking, something which is worked on over time.

[So not doing it in the midst of a situation in which reaction speed is important is fine, it's more about long-term changes in behavior.]

[mismanagement]

Oh.

[That's better, then. It doesn't compromise her situational awareness. Won't slow her down in an emergency. Maketh nods slowly.]

That is acceptable.

[lifetothefullest]

[Alright, that's a good start on that front, at least. He decides that's enough for her to keep in mind on this exact subject for the moment, so it's time to address another part of what she said.]

You mentioned that you scare people. Is that something purposeful, or is it something you would rather not do?

[mismanagement]

It just happens. [Maketh frowns.] I don't understand why. But it isn't---useful.

[It makes people see her as a threat.]

[lifetothefullest]

That's something we can work on then, too.

[And it'll probably be a lot easier and have more immediate results, which will hopefully be encouraging for Maketh.]

Scaring people--or not doing so--is mostly determined by body language, tone, and what you say, so it's a matter of identifying and then controlling those mannerisms that make you appear intimidating.

[mismanagement]

[Maketh considers him a moment.]

You saw me as a threat. I didn't intend that, in the beginning. What did I do wrong?

[It's asked with genuine curiosity.]

[lifetothefullest]

[Fortunately, he's in professional mode, and so the snappy 'so you did intend it all the other times?' only comes to mind briefly before being dismissed. But he's not entirely sure how to answer the question, because although he knows the answer it's may not be best for him to say it. Usually, keeping his feelings out of the session is the correct way to go about things--counseling is about the patient--but in this situation he needs to weigh benefit versus cost.

So it takes several seconds before he replies, finally having decided that answering will lead into another useful topic to explore, and so it's worth doing so in this instance.]

What concerned me is likely not an issue that usually factors into your problem with intimidating people.

[Since it's something much more subtle and specific.]

It was the way you spoke about what methods you'd go to.

[And doing so in order to protect people, which by extension asks the question of who's worth protecting and which, incidentally, had been the same thing that has most bothered him at the ball. Then, once again, it had been a question of methods in the conversation about Sato that had been a major problem.]

[mismanagement]

[That's not the answer she expects. Maketh stares at him, trying to determine where her flaw was.] Why? I was perfectly honest about what we would do and had done in the past.

[Should she have lied? Perhaps that would have been better.]

[lifetothefullest]

[He's very hesitant to go down this line of questioning, because he needs to keep this focused back on her, but she's asking for clarification and so this is a borderline case of appropriate to answer.]

You were. The issue was the practicality with which you spoke; there was no sense of the decisions having been difficult morally or emotionally, even if they were necessary.

[Even justified violence in self-defense usually leaves the individual with a sense of guilt, and if not guilt--which is fine--then sadness it had to come to such a resolution.]

[mismanagement]

[That makes no sense at all. Maketh stares at him.]

I don't understand. They were not difficult because they were necessary. Should I have lied?

[lifetothefullest]

No, you shouldn't have lied.

[But figuring out how to explain this is not easy, and he's not sure she'd understand anyway, so he tries a slightly different question.]

Do you wish there could've been anther outcome? Or hope that, in the future, conflicts can be resolved peacefully?

[mismanagement]

[So she shouldn't have lied, but he didn't like hearing the truth either?

Maketh frowns.]

What I want is irrelevant. There was no peaceful solution. Either I came up with a way to incapacitate him or he'd kill my men. Of course I would have preferred a peaceful outcome. But that was not possible and so I reacted accordingly.

[lifetothefullest]

[Well, not the greatest response in the world, but it also could've been a lot worse. He is, at least, becoming more and more convinced that Maketh does have the capacity to care about other people and isn't harming anyone just because she wants to, but she also doesn't seem to have the inhibitions that would stop her from resorting to a violent solution when other options are possible but more difficult.

And he still doesn't know exact details of whatever happened with Will, which is an issue that causes him some serious concern.]

It isn't irrelevant. Why you take a course of action is just as important as the action itself.

[He doesn't think they're going to get anywhere discussing the specific incident with Sato, at least not at the moment, so he's trying to steer the subject to be a little more general.]

It's even more important in a situation that is tense or difficult; what someone does in a time of stress says more about who they are than what they do when things are easy.

[mismanagement]

Why would that matter? I reacted as I was trained to. I assessed the situation and implemented the most effective plan.

[What is wrong with that?]

If I am a good officer, my personal feelings will not factor into the outcome at all. Emotions slow things down, cloud judgement. They're not useful.

[And she wants to be a good officer, Imperial or not.]

[lifetothefullest]

[This had been going so well.

But okay, focus, think of a better way to go about this that she'll understand.]

Emotions don't cloud judgment, they inform it. What you feel is usually instinctive, and much quicker to come to you than conscious thoughts are; how you feel about a situation can actually help you decide the right course of action in some situations. In others how you feel can help stop you from making wrong choices, particularly when the most effective plan isn't the right one.

[mismanagement]

[Maketh tips her head to the side. She's trying to understand but feels herself getting frustrated every time she says something perfectly sensible and finds it rejected.] Surely you know that instincts can be wrong. Mu judgement must be clear or I will make a mistake.

[lifetothefullest]

Of course, instinct can be wrong. But purely objective logic can be too, if you've missed something, and pure logic also ignores morality.

[Which is incredibly important in making a decision.]