It doesn't change what I did for the Empire. I don't expect it to. I can't make it right and I cannot change what has already been done. So I will protect these people until I cannot anymore. Someone ought to.
What you do here matters just as much as anything you did or will do elsewhere.
[He believes that and can say it genuinely; if he's going to believe this place is what it's said to be, as opposed to being a hallucination or dream, then it matters. All anyone ever really has is their here and now, and that's just as true in this place.]
[It's said quite simply. The dead don't care if you feel sorry for what you did, if you spend years swallowing down the nightmares because of it, or if you simply forget in move on. They're still dead.]
I'm not looking for redemption, or anything sentimental like that. I know what I am. I only want to do right by these people, in this place.
I didn't like you. But I would have kept you alive. I don't know if I like you now. If you hurt my men, maybe not. But that's different. You're breathing. You're here. So you're one of mine. Even Hux is one of mine and he really shouldn't be.
[Stars, she hates Hux. But she also understands him and that might be worse. They have drinks together some evenings.]
[Well that's... Interesting, and in a good way, but--]
You told me something very different the last time we spoke on this subject. Have your opinions changed since then?
[He needs to figure that out first, because this answer she's just given is a lot better than the last one, and he can work with it. It's also nice to hear that Maketh doesn't particularly want him dead or something, but that's another m atter.]
No, I didn't. [She gives him a flat look. People here are so strange and they rarely understand what she means.] You weren't listening. I said I protect them because they're strong. That's always been true. They're strong because they are strong, not because something has made them that way by force.
[Forget the eight or so broken bones; he's going to need a painkiller after this purely for the migraine he's getting. But he carefully controls the frustration he's starting to feel and continues, avoiding pointing out that this reason seems to directly contradict the answer of 'because they're breathing' that she'd given moments before.]
Alright. What does being strong entail to you, in this regard?
[Maketh tips her head to the side. She's never had to spell it out before. No one has ever asked and truthfully she'd thought it obvious. But now that she has to explain it aloud she finds herself hesitating.]
They don't flinch. That sounds cruel. I don't mean from me. I mean from any of this.
[She waves her hand vaguely.]
From Hadriel. They accept it as it is and still stand tall.
[Her logic is difficult to follow and that's one of those things that usually makes him question someone's truthfulness, but in this case he thinks she believes what she's saying. Therefore the question is whether he's missing something, or whether she's convinced herself of something she hasn't truly thought out.]
So their strength is not actually a factor in whether you'll protect them or not?
[Alright, well. If that's truly what she's going on, then this issue isn't as much of a problem as Lance had believed, although he's still concerned about how roundabout and strange the logic was to get here. He's also interested in her last comment.]
[She frowns. Why is this taking him so long to understand?]</small.
When the gods cause trouble. Some of them are more capable than others. A few I do not trust at all.
[Lance is really getting a headache now, and it might actually be more from exhaustion than just psychological from dealing with following her thoughts. He wonders how long it's been since they started, actually, but doesn't reach to check his phone just yet. He'd rather try to direct things to a more natural stopping point anyway, if he can; it'll be more encouraging for Maketh that way.]
Do you think there's any connection with this outlook and the ones you were concerned about, regarding viewing others for their usefulness?
[Again, he wonders if he's not following her thinking, he's miscommunicating, or if she's not understanding; whatever the reason is, he's having to control frustration again as he tries to decide whether to attempt explaining or shift subjects.]
Perhaps I'm not being clear. Being strong in the way you described is a desirable trait to you, correct?
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-05-13 06:25 pm (UTC)I decided before I knew them. It doesn't change anything. Not really. I just wanted to do one good thing here.
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Date: 2017-05-13 06:32 pm (UTC)What do you mean? What doesn't change anything?
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Date: 2017-05-13 06:39 pm (UTC)[She meets his eyes briefly.]
It doesn't change what I did for the Empire. I don't expect it to. I can't make it right and I cannot change what has already been done. So I will protect these people until I cannot anymore. Someone ought to.
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Date: 2017-05-13 06:46 pm (UTC)[He believes that and can say it genuinely; if he's going to believe this place is what it's said to be, as opposed to being a hallucination or dream, then it matters. All anyone ever really has is their here and now, and that's just as true in this place.]
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Date: 2017-05-13 06:52 pm (UTC)[It's said quite simply. The dead don't care if you feel sorry for what you did, if you spend years swallowing down the nightmares because of it, or if you simply forget in move on. They're still dead.]
I'm not looking for redemption, or anything sentimental like that. I know what I am. I only want to do right by these people, in this place.
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Date: 2017-05-13 07:01 pm (UTC)[Again, he's filing away all the rest of that, but he doesn't want to get too off-track right now.]
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Date: 2017-05-13 07:02 pm (UTC)[Maketh frowns.]
It seems my way is wrong. I don't understand why.
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Date: 2017-05-13 07:06 pm (UTC)[And now that they're refocused on that, he can ask the same question he asked earlier but phrased a little differently.]
What criteria do you use to decide if an individual is someone you want to protect?
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Date: 2017-05-13 09:26 pm (UTC)[She pauses. Gives him a flat look.]
I didn't like you. But I would have kept you alive. I don't know if I like you now. If you hurt my men, maybe not. But that's different. You're breathing. You're here. So you're one of mine. Even Hux is one of mine and he really shouldn't be.
[Stars, she hates Hux. But she also understands him and that might be worse. They have drinks together some evenings.]
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Date: 2017-05-13 09:41 pm (UTC)You told me something very different the last time we spoke on this subject. Have your opinions changed since then?
[He needs to figure that out first, because this answer she's just given is a lot better than the last one, and he can work with it. It's also nice to hear that Maketh doesn't particularly want him dead or something, but that's another m atter.]
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Date: 2017-05-13 09:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-05-13 09:51 pm (UTC)Alright. What does being strong entail to you, in this regard?
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Date: 2017-05-13 09:58 pm (UTC)They don't flinch. That sounds cruel. I don't mean from me. I mean from any of this.
[She waves her hand vaguely.]
From Hadriel. They accept it as it is and still stand tall.
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Date: 2017-05-13 10:07 pm (UTC)What about people who don't?
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Date: 2017-05-13 10:16 pm (UTC)[A blunt assessment.]
I'll protect them. But they're not allies.
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Date: 2017-05-14 12:52 am (UTC)So their strength is not actually a factor in whether you'll protect them or not?
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Date: 2017-05-14 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-05-14 01:14 am (UTC)Useful in what way?
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Date: 2017-05-14 01:18 am (UTC)[She frowns. Why is this taking him so long to understand?]</small. When the gods cause trouble. Some of them are more capable than others. A few I do not trust at all.
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Date: 2017-05-14 02:56 am (UTC)Do you think there's any connection with this outlook and the ones you were concerned about, regarding viewing others for their usefulness?
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Date: 2017-05-14 03:05 am (UTC)[Though the fact that he's phrased it as a question makes her wonder.]
Sato would be very useful if he wasn't intent on killing my men.
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Date: 2017-05-14 03:15 am (UTC)Perhaps I'm not being clear. Being strong in the way you described is a desirable trait to you, correct?
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Date: 2017-05-14 03:20 am (UTC)Yes. It is helpful.
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Date: 2017-05-14 03:26 am (UTC)[He says it gently, making it clear he's not judging, just drawing a connection.]
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Date: 2017-05-14 03:32 am (UTC)I have to do that, most of the time. For tactical decisions. If someone is not immediately useful then they need to get out of the way.
[She's quiet then.]
Only I do that most of the time. When I don't need to.
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