[It's been decided and so it will be done. There's nothing to it. Every time she had a task she disliked in the Academy, she had embraced a simple philosophy. Regardless of how much she hated it, she would be the absolute best and beat all of her classmates.
Maketh isn't sure how one wins therapy - it seems like something that can be won - but she'll settle for not making things worse.
There. That is an acceptable goal.
Maketh doesn't dawdle. That would imply she's afraid. Instead, she shows up exactly on time and carefully racks her rifle outside the room. The knives she lines up on one of the exam tables. No weapons. There are rules. She'll get in trouble if she's caught hiding one.
And then there's nothing to do but walk into the room.
Maketh takes a breath and then lets it out.
Focus. Stand up straight. Don't act like a threat.
Simple. Fine. She can do that.
She stands at attention in the doorway, hands loose at her sides. Look, she put her weapons away.]
[He hears when she enters the building, listening carefully as she puts down her weapons, and although he has no way of knowing if she got rid of them all, well. It's a chance he's already agreed to take, and it's the reason he's staying on guard.
He looks up when she enters, and okay. It's time to be professional, which means put aside everything he personally feels about Maketh, take a breath, and focus.]
Hello Maketh. If you'd like to take a seat, there are a few things to go over before we begin.
[Apparently therapy is a thing they do while sitting. Part of Maketh would prefer to remain standing. It would keep things more object, allow for distance. But that's not the point - she assumes - and she agreed to try this. She gave her word.
So she'll try.
She sits gingerly, back perfectly straight, hands folded in her lap. That's acceptable, isn't it?]
[Eh, good enough. Lance is a bit more stiff than usual too--he normally lounges back in his chair, but he's sitting forward with his elbows on his knees at the moment instead.]
So, the purpose of these sessions is to identify and talk about issues that are causing you problems in your life. Whatever we discuss in here will not be shared with anyone else without permission, except in the case of a clear and present threat to you or to someone else.
[So if he has good reason to think she's about to harm someone or herself, patient-client confidentiality goes out the window.]
[She doesn't believe him at all. Even being in this room is putting her at a horrible tactical risk - and yet, she gave her word. So it must be done. Maketh holds herself very still.]
Usually we would set a particular length of time for a session, but I think leaving that open might be a better idea for now.
[Because either of them might want to get out of this early, even though Lance is going to try to avoid doing so because it isn't professional in the slightest.]
However, let's set a maximum of an hour for today.
[She can endure an hour. It's not long at all. If needed, she can recite training manuals in her head. Perhaps work on improving the design Hux is suffering over. And if it doesn't hurt - Maketh feels certain it will hurt, somehow - then that--
[Here goes nothing. He'd gone over how to start the session mentally more than once throughout the day, but things rarely go as they've been practiced; still, he at least knows how to start.]
Since this wasn't an ordered or mandated session, there must be something in particular--or even something broad--that is bothering you enough to want to speak with someone about it. Why don't we start with that?
[Maketh narrows her eyes, suddenly certain he's going to mock her. She forces herself to breathe through it. Do not make yourself a threat, soldier. You promised. She exhales sharply.]
I am trying not to be an Imperial anymore. I want to be something else.
[He is definitely not going to mock her; he saves his mocking for when he's not working, and doesn't do it about patients.]
Alright. What does being an Imperial mean to you? What is it about being one that makes you want to be something else?
[He remembers what she told him at the ball, but he'd like her to go through explaining it again and preferably elaborate a bit more. It'd be good for her to have a solid idea in her mind, and repeating it helps with that.]
[That feels too obvious an answer, though. Not really what he means. Maketh frowns. It's more than the uniform. Even Hux recognized what she was and his First Order supposedly came from the death of the Empire.]
That everything is a tool I can either utilize or break.
[It's said rather flatly. Maketh doesn't look at Sweets. She looks at the place beyond his chair. There's a crack in the wall. She wonders what caused it.]
I scare people. I don't--it's very easy to hurt them. I want to do something good for these people. But it is difficult. I don't think like them.
[Indeed, the Imperial protocols thing means nothing to Lance really, but the rest of what she says does. He watches her carefully as she speaks, looking for an indication that she's being anything but honest, but he doesn't see anything.
This is a good thing. This sort of self-awareness is important, even though he's heard the part about wanting to protect the people of Hadriel before at the ball, and he's still unsure about how idea of what that means. But that's something to work out as a part of these meetings.
For now, he'll just focus on the part she said.]
Can you explain why you have this outlook, about using or breaking everything?
[He thinks he knows the answer because of other things she's said before, but that isn't the point; the point is for her to work it out. He's actually pretty sure she already knows the answer, but wants to be sure.]
[Right, that fits with what he knows so far, and he gives a small nod; again, it's good that she can answer so clearly, although his next question might be a little more difficult.]
Sometimes. Most of the time. It's difficult not to.
[Thoughts start spiraling in her head if she doesn't. Bad memories. Possibilities and endless what-ifs.
She's quiet for a long moment.]
I have people that I care for. Not soldiers. Not at all. And their lives matter. But in the moment, if I'm not careful, I see them as tools. Do you understand?
[It's not the best answer, but it isn't an unexpected or unreasonable one. It's also one that makes a dent in his original concerns about Maketh's outlook, because he does understand this even if she might not.
Lance chooses his words carefully, keeping his voice neutral and clinical while still sympathetic; it's important to maintain distance, even--and especially--when he can empathize instead of sympathize.]
Survival mechanisms can be difficult to unlearn, even when they're no longer necessary or beneficial. But it is possible, if that's something you want to do.
[That's what Emily said. Sometimes it takes years. A lifetime. Maketh considers this a moment. How much time does she have, really? Maybe not enough to change herself in the ways that matter. But maybe enough to try, just a little.
[He smiles a little, finally, because he believes she means it. And that's the best start that can be hoped for.
Now he has to decide whether to keep on this track or back up slightly and return to working out a few others, but he thinks this is the most important one and potentially the root of several issues. Therefore he decides to stay focused here for now, quickly thinking over what she's said and what techniques he knows in order to figure out where to begin.]
Okay, you said you have people you care for, yet find yourself thinking this way about. I'd like you to think of one of them, and you don't have to name them, but tell me two positive things about them that are completely unrelated to how beneficial or useful they might be.
[Something in Maketh balks at that almost immediately - she cannot possibly betray the people she loves and sharing information of that nature is certainly a betrayal - but she swallows it down. It takes a moment. Her throat hurts. She breathes through it.
[He watches her reaction carefully, trying to read the reason for it, but whatever it is she seems to move past it and offers two very good answers.]
Great. Take a moment to think about those two things and remember that you chose them. In the future, whenever you catch yourself thinking about that person's worth in terms of their usefulness, remind yourself of what you said about them here and how much more important these traits that you told me are. Can you try to do that?
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mismanagement) wrote2016-01-25 02:02 pm
no subject
Maketh isn't sure how one wins therapy - it seems like something that can be won - but she'll settle for not making things worse.
There. That is an acceptable goal.
Maketh doesn't dawdle. That would imply she's afraid. Instead, she shows up exactly on time and carefully racks her rifle outside the room. The knives she lines up on one of the exam tables. No weapons. There are rules. She'll get in trouble if she's caught hiding one.
And then there's nothing to do but walk into the room.
Maketh takes a breath and then lets it out.
Focus. Stand up straight. Don't act like a threat.
Simple. Fine. She can do that.
She stands at attention in the doorway, hands loose at her sides. Look, she put her weapons away.]
Doctor Sweets?
no subject
He looks up when she enters, and okay. It's time to be professional, which means put aside everything he personally feels about Maketh, take a breath, and focus.]
Hello Maketh. If you'd like to take a seat, there are a few things to go over before we begin.
no subject
So she'll try.
She sits gingerly, back perfectly straight, hands folded in her lap. That's acceptable, isn't it?]
All right.
no subject
So, the purpose of these sessions is to identify and talk about issues that are causing you problems in your life. Whatever we discuss in here will not be shared with anyone else without permission, except in the case of a clear and present threat to you or to someone else.
[So if he has good reason to think she's about to harm someone or herself, patient-client confidentiality goes out the window.]
no subject
[She doesn't believe him at all. Even being in this room is putting her at a horrible tactical risk - and yet, she gave her word. So it must be done. Maketh holds herself very still.]
Anything else?
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[Because either of them might want to get out of this early, even though Lance is going to try to avoid doing so because it isn't professional in the slightest.]
However, let's set a maximum of an hour for today.
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[She can endure an hour. It's not long at all. If needed, she can recite training manuals in her head. Perhaps work on improving the design Hux is suffering over. And if it doesn't hurt - Maketh feels certain it will hurt, somehow - then that--
That will be that. ]
no subject
[Here goes nothing. He'd gone over how to start the session mentally more than once throughout the day, but things rarely go as they've been practiced; still, he at least knows how to start.]
Since this wasn't an ordered or mandated session, there must be something in particular--or even something broad--that is bothering you enough to want to speak with someone about it. Why don't we start with that?
no subject
[Maketh narrows her eyes, suddenly certain he's going to mock her. She forces herself to breathe through it. Do not make yourself a threat, soldier. You promised. She exhales sharply.]
I am trying not to be an Imperial anymore. I want to be something else.
no subject
Alright. What does being an Imperial mean to you? What is it about being one that makes you want to be something else?
[He remembers what she told him at the ball, but he'd like her to go through explaining it again and preferably elaborate a bit more. It'd be good for her to have a solid idea in her mind, and repeating it helps with that.]
no subject
[That feels too obvious an answer, though. Not really what he means. Maketh frowns. It's more than the uniform. Even Hux recognized what she was and his First Order supposedly came from the death of the Empire.]
That everything is a tool I can either utilize or break.
[It's said rather flatly. Maketh doesn't look at Sweets. She looks at the place beyond his chair. There's a crack in the wall. She wonders what caused it.]
I scare people. I don't--it's very easy to hurt them. I want to do something good for these people. But it is difficult. I don't think like them.
no subject
This is a good thing. This sort of self-awareness is important, even though he's heard the part about wanting to protect the people of Hadriel before at the ball, and he's still unsure about how idea of what that means. But that's something to work out as a part of these meetings.
For now, he'll just focus on the part she said.]
Can you explain why you have this outlook, about using or breaking everything?
[He thinks he knows the answer because of other things she's said before, but that isn't the point; the point is for her to work it out. He's actually pretty sure she already knows the answer, but wants to be sure.]
no subject
[She thins her mouth, not a smile.]
That was the first lesson at the Academy. Everything is expendable. Everyone can be used. You are nothing if you cannot realize that.
[And like before, she recites it verbatim. The instructors preferred it when they did that. Got every word exactly right.]
And if you are nothing, you will die. An easy lesson.
no subject
Do you agree with that lesson?
no subject
Sometimes. Most of the time. It's difficult not to.
[Thoughts start spiraling in her head if she doesn't. Bad memories. Possibilities and endless what-ifs.
She's quiet for a long moment.]
I have people that I care for. Not soldiers. Not at all. And their lives matter. But in the moment, if I'm not careful, I see them as tools. Do you understand?
[Maketh hopes so, because she doesn't.]
no subject
Lance chooses his words carefully, keeping his voice neutral and clinical while still sympathetic; it's important to maintain distance, even--and especially--when he can empathize instead of sympathize.]
Survival mechanisms can be difficult to unlearn, even when they're no longer necessary or beneficial. But it is possible, if that's something you want to do.
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[She doesn't mean it to sound so hopeful.]
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Yes. There are no miracle cures, and it's sometimes a long process, but it's entirely possible.
no subject
She promised to try. So she will.]
I see.
[She nods, meeting his eyes briefly.]
Then I will try.
no subject
Now he has to decide whether to keep on this track or back up slightly and return to working out a few others, but he thinks this is the most important one and potentially the root of several issues. Therefore he decides to stay focused here for now, quickly thinking over what she's said and what techniques he knows in order to figure out where to begin.]
Okay, you said you have people you care for, yet find yourself thinking this way about. I'd like you to think of one of them, and you don't have to name them, but tell me two positive things about them that are completely unrelated to how beneficial or useful they might be.
no subject
Focus. Don't be foolish.]
They're clever. Much smarter than anyone knows.
[Emily is so very clever.]
And honest. Even when they shouldn't be.
no subject
Great. Take a moment to think about those two things and remember that you chose them. In the future, whenever you catch yourself thinking about that person's worth in terms of their usefulness, remind yourself of what you said about them here and how much more important these traits that you told me are. Can you try to do that?
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Yes. I can try.
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You seem to have hesitations about that idea.
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[Maketh twitches a little. Forces her hands to lay flat.]
It slows you down.
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