[After Iamarl's body fades from the tight circle of his arms, along with the evidence of her existence — in the end, even her spilt blood was an illusion — Henry leaves the apartment.
He leaves, and does not return until the next day, at the hour he would ordinarily return from his early morning training.
His eyes are dark and there is a harshness in his expression, the outward evidence of his heavy spirits. He looks for Maketh, expecting nothing good. He knows that she is alive; before Iamarl's death he'd looked for her and found her alone and passed out. There had been no reason to disturb what uneasy rest she'd managed. But now...]
[Maketh has been sleeping on the couch for several hours now and is in no mood to move. She has a blanket, no shoes, and the cat perched on her shoulder. She opens her eyes slowly.
Henry.]
We have a cat.
[Her voice is oddly soft.]
I forgot to tell you.
[Kalu the cat has no eyes and far too many mouths. His tail bats against Maketh's arm. Not too long ago she was weeping.]
[Henry sits himself on the floor next to the sofa, leaning his side against it. He lifts a hand to brush her fringe back from her face.]
That is not a cat. That unholy abomination is a witch's familiar at best.
[But if she wants it for a pet, he is content to leave the creature be.
He does not need to ask why her eyes are red and why her voice is so fragile. Still he asks, in case she wishes to talk. Even if she does not, to show that he cares about her pain.]
[With her assistance, because he was so weak. There was no choice. Even if he knows she was not real, she felt so real that he could not risk the consequences of her taking her own life.
And Iamarl would have.
Tears slowly begin to roll down his cheeks.]
They were not— [real, he almost says, but the truth is that they were as real as their memories of them are. Struggling for words, he stops and starts again.] Ever were they dead, Maketh. Yet I wanted...
[To believe otherwise. To pretend otherwise. He's not sure which is more accurate.]
[Even if they were only the ghosts of their hearts given form, what followed was real.
Henry squeezes her hand back just as tightly.]
...For those brief days you seemed truly happy. I was happy.
[And maybe that is why he was so desperate to ignore his physical deterioration and all the portents of doom. Alice's warning and attempt to intervene. The truth Pell's innocent question posed to Iamarl brought to light.
None of it mattered next to Iamarl's company; the joy of having her beside him again.]
[She says it fondly, though. There was never going to be enough time to truly know Iamarl. But there was a moment and it was theirs. And it was real. Maketh believes that with her whole being. It was real.]
[Another person to remember Iamarl — that is no small thing. He squeezes Maketh's hand, grateful.]
It gladdens me to know that you were not always alone. [He gives a little laugh, though it's tempered by the overall mood.] I cannot believe you were nicknamed kitten.
And yet it cannot have been a great surprise to her twins. They were once part of the Empire, and they died knowing that she would not rebel at that time. They must have known how the Empire would mould her. They also knew and loved the woman she was beneath that veneer.
Perhaps they wondered about the role their deaths played in her change. Perhaps it gave them hope to see her finally attempting to break free of the Empire's ways.]
[She lets out a slow breath. For a long time she had hoped, foolishly, that the twins had someone survived. That they were in hiding out on some distant moon and living wild, storybook adventures. But they had been dead the whole time, hidden away and erased from the official records.]
Itani...she said it was good. That she could still recognize me, after all this time. That the Empire hadn't--killed what I was. Not completely.
[She closes her eyes, holding Henry's hand tight.]
I lived because I was afraid and they died because they were brave. It should not have been like that.
[She sees that now. She sees a lot of things clearly now, in the aftermath. It brings her something, though Maketh is not certain that comfort is the right word. Not quite.]
I -- for a long time, I tried not to think about the past. And then I came here and it was everything, suddenly.
[She's quiet for a moment, just holding his hand. The cat purrs into her shoulder.]
It hurts. But I think -- I think I can let them go, now.
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timeasmymeasure
action; backdated to 30th june
Date: 2017-07-03 10:59 am (UTC)He leaves, and does not return until the next day, at the hour he would ordinarily return from his early morning training.
His eyes are dark and there is a harshness in his expression, the outward evidence of his heavy spirits. He looks for Maketh, expecting nothing good. He knows that she is alive; before Iamarl's death he'd looked for her and found her alone and passed out. There had been no reason to disturb what uneasy rest she'd managed. But now...]
Maketh?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-03 05:10 pm (UTC)Henry.]
We have a cat.
[Her voice is oddly soft.]
I forgot to tell you.
[Kalu the cat has no eyes and far too many mouths. His tail bats against Maketh's arm. Not too long ago she was weeping.]
no subject
Date: 2017-07-04 07:52 am (UTC)That is not a cat. That unholy abomination is a witch's familiar at best.
[But if she wants it for a pet, he is content to leave the creature be.
He does not need to ask why her eyes are red and why her voice is so fragile. Still he asks, in case she wishes to talk. Even if she does not, to show that he cares about her pain.]
How fare you, sister?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-05 03:06 am (UTC)[Maketh closes her eyes. She drops her hand down for Henry to take.]
They're gone.
[They're gone and she feels empty inside.]
Iamarl...?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-05 12:58 pm (UTC)Dead. I— I killed her.
[With her assistance, because he was so weak. There was no choice. Even if he knows she was not real, she felt so real that he could not risk the consequences of her taking her own life.
And Iamarl would have.
Tears slowly begin to roll down his cheeks.]
They were not— [real, he almost says, but the truth is that they were as real as their memories of them are. Struggling for words, he stops and starts again.] Ever were they dead, Maketh. Yet I wanted...
[To believe otherwise. To pretend otherwise. He's not sure which is more accurate.]
no subject
Date: 2017-07-05 01:13 pm (UTC)I wanted them to live. Even if I—
[But that is a dark thought. She shivers. Doesn't let go of Henry's hand.]
I loved them so much. And you loved her—
[Loved. Past tense. Maketh takes a shuddering breath.]
It was real for a little, wasn't it? It felt like them. Just for a little.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-05 01:49 pm (UTC)It was.
[Even if they were only the ghosts of their hearts given form, what followed was real.
Henry squeezes her hand back just as tightly.]
...For those brief days you seemed truly happy. I was happy.
[And maybe that is why he was so desperate to ignore his physical deterioration and all the portents of doom. Alice's warning and attempt to intervene. The truth Pell's innocent question posed to Iamarl brought to light.
None of it mattered next to Iamarl's company; the joy of having her beside him again.]
no subject
Date: 2017-07-05 03:31 pm (UTC)I was.
[She shivers a little.]
They forgave me. They said--there was nothing to forgive. That it wasn't my fault.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-05 11:53 pm (UTC)Then know it for truth.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-06 03:27 pm (UTC)I will try.
[She clears her throat.]
I -- I'm glad I had the chance to meet her. Iamarl.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-07 12:26 pm (UTC)I only wish that you had the chance to truly know her. She...
[Henry closes his eyes.]
There will be no woman like her again.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-07 03:28 pm (UTC)[She says it fondly, though. There was never going to be enough time to truly know Iamarl. But there was a moment and it was theirs. And it was real. Maketh believes that with her whole being. It was real.]
I see you better, having known her.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-07 09:18 pm (UTC)It gladdens me to know that you were not always alone. [He gives a little laugh, though it's tempered by the overall mood.] I cannot believe you were nicknamed kitten.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-08 02:16 pm (UTC)Neither can I, sometimes.
[She's quiet for a moment.]
They were so young. I'd forgotten that part.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-08 03:18 pm (UTC)You did not seem out of place with them, for all the years between you.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-08 08:22 pm (UTC)[She pauses a moment.]
I am different, now.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-08 09:29 pm (UTC)[For better, for worse.
And yet it cannot have been a great surprise to her twins. They were once part of the Empire, and they died knowing that she would not rebel at that time. They must have known how the Empire would mould her. They also knew and loved the woman she was beneath that veneer.
Perhaps they wondered about the role their deaths played in her change. Perhaps it gave them hope to see her finally attempting to break free of the Empire's ways.]
How long has it been?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-08 09:55 pm (UTC)[She lets out a slow breath. For a long time she had hoped, foolishly, that the twins had someone survived. That they were in hiding out on some distant moon and living wild, storybook adventures. But they had been dead the whole time, hidden away and erased from the official records.]
Itani...she said it was good. That she could still recognize me, after all this time. That the Empire hadn't--killed what I was. Not completely.
[She closes her eyes, holding Henry's hand tight.]
I lived because I was afraid and they died because they were brave. It should not have been like that.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-09 09:36 am (UTC)[Henry strokes his thumb over Maketh's knuckle.]
I hope her words bring you comfort. The battle you wage in yourself is worth the hardship.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-09 06:18 pm (UTC)[She sees that now. She sees a lot of things clearly now, in the aftermath. It brings her something, though Maketh is not certain that comfort is the right word. Not quite.]
I -- for a long time, I tried not to think about the past. And then I came here and it was everything, suddenly.
[She's quiet for a moment, just holding his hand. The cat purrs into her shoulder.]
It hurts. But I think -- I think I can let them go, now.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-09 07:30 pm (UTC)Ah... that is good. [More than good — a modicum of peace for his troubled sister.] May God rest their souls.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-11 01:35 am (UTC)[Even if it was only for a little while, Maketh got to meet her. She lets out a slow breath.]
I think we will be all right, brother. Not today. But in time.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-11 01:20 pm (UTC)If nothing else, he is weary to the bone of dishonouring Iamarl's memory. He is done.
And what is a Percy without hope? Esperance.]
So we shall be, sister.