Maketh Tua (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mismanagement) wrote2016-01-25 02:02 pm
mismanagement) wrote2016-01-25 02:02 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact Post [Hadriel]
This is Maketh Tua. State your business.
[That's late, but okay. He can handle that.]
That would be fine.
[Both to the time and the weapons thing.]
That would be fine.
[Both to the time and the weapons thing.]
[Well, that's decided. It's too late to back out now, she's committed. She gave her word.]
Then I will see you then. Doctor Sweets.
[She has a lot of emotions surrounding this. "Happy" is not one of them.]
Then I will see you then. Doctor Sweets.
[She has a lot of emotions surrounding this. "Happy" is not one of them.]
[He thinks about that for a long moment- in truth, he has a very limited idea of morality. Rome has never really been taught right and wrong, he's been taught obedience. Maketh being free to choose her own path is alien to him and so he lacks the ability to even remotely fault her for her decisions.]
You chose order.
[Is how he sees it- not as a gruesome thing that needed to be done in the name of self-preservation, but because the alternative is chaos, which is something that he's ill-equipped to understand, let alone adapt to.]
I would have done the same.
You chose order.
[Is how he sees it- not as a gruesome thing that needed to be done in the name of self-preservation, but because the alternative is chaos, which is something that he's ill-equipped to understand, let alone adapt to.]
I would have done the same.
I did.
[As she suspects many of her fellow officers did. It doesn't matter here. What's done is done. But a few people seem to understand. Rome is among them.
She appreciates that.]
Knowing what I do now, I--I like to think I would have been stronger. But I already made my choices. The only thing that matters is what I do right here. And I intend to do right by these people.
[As she suspects many of her fellow officers did. It doesn't matter here. What's done is done. But a few people seem to understand. Rome is among them.
She appreciates that.]
Knowing what I do now, I--I like to think I would have been stronger. But I already made my choices. The only thing that matters is what I do right here. And I intend to do right by these people.
[Here goes nothing.
This time Lance is at the Clinic far before the designated meeting time, adjusting things in one of the back rooms to be appropriate for a therapy setting. It's... Easier said than done, because he can't lift or move anything heavy, but he still manages to scoot some furniture around without hurting himself and ends up with two relatively comfortable chairs facing each other. Sure, they're a good eight feet apart, but he doesn't particularly want to be within arm's reach.
He's dressed professionally this time too, in one of the suits he'd collected during the last event, and despite having told Maketh absolutely no weapons that rule definitely doesn't apply to him; his gun is, as usual, hidden under his suit coat. Once the back room is settled he wanders back to the waiting room and, still early, decides to sit down at one of the chairs out there and mess with his phone while he waits.]
This time Lance is at the Clinic far before the designated meeting time, adjusting things in one of the back rooms to be appropriate for a therapy setting. It's... Easier said than done, because he can't lift or move anything heavy, but he still manages to scoot some furniture around without hurting himself and ends up with two relatively comfortable chairs facing each other. Sure, they're a good eight feet apart, but he doesn't particularly want to be within arm's reach.
He's dressed professionally this time too, in one of the suits he'd collected during the last event, and despite having told Maketh absolutely no weapons that rule definitely doesn't apply to him; his gun is, as usual, hidden under his suit coat. Once the back room is settled he wanders back to the waiting room and, still early, decides to sit down at one of the chairs out there and mess with his phone while he waits.]
Edited (I don't even know why I put offline as the subject I just confused myself) 2017-05-13 01:06 (UTC)
[It's been decided and so it will be done. There's nothing to it. Every time she had a task she disliked in the Academy, she had embraced a simple philosophy. Regardless of how much she hated it, she would be the absolute best and beat all of her classmates.
Maketh isn't sure how one wins therapy - it seems like something that can be won - but she'll settle for not making things worse.
There. That is an acceptable goal.
Maketh doesn't dawdle. That would imply she's afraid. Instead, she shows up exactly on time and carefully racks her rifle outside the room. The knives she lines up on one of the exam tables. No weapons. There are rules. She'll get in trouble if she's caught hiding one.
And then there's nothing to do but walk into the room.
Maketh takes a breath and then lets it out.
Focus. Stand up straight. Don't act like a threat.
Simple. Fine. She can do that.
She stands at attention in the doorway, hands loose at her sides. Look, she put her weapons away.]
Doctor Sweets?
Maketh isn't sure how one wins therapy - it seems like something that can be won - but she'll settle for not making things worse.
There. That is an acceptable goal.
Maketh doesn't dawdle. That would imply she's afraid. Instead, she shows up exactly on time and carefully racks her rifle outside the room. The knives she lines up on one of the exam tables. No weapons. There are rules. She'll get in trouble if she's caught hiding one.
And then there's nothing to do but walk into the room.
Maketh takes a breath and then lets it out.
Focus. Stand up straight. Don't act like a threat.
Simple. Fine. She can do that.
She stands at attention in the doorway, hands loose at her sides. Look, she put her weapons away.]
Doctor Sweets?
[He hears when she enters the building, listening carefully as she puts down her weapons, and although he has no way of knowing if she got rid of them all, well. It's a chance he's already agreed to take, and it's the reason he's staying on guard.
He looks up when she enters, and okay. It's time to be professional, which means put aside everything he personally feels about Maketh, take a breath, and focus.]
Hello Maketh. If you'd like to take a seat, there are a few things to go over before we begin.
He looks up when she enters, and okay. It's time to be professional, which means put aside everything he personally feels about Maketh, take a breath, and focus.]
Hello Maketh. If you'd like to take a seat, there are a few things to go over before we begin.
[Apparently therapy is a thing they do while sitting. Part of Maketh would prefer to remain standing. It would keep things more object, allow for distance. But that's not the point - she assumes - and she agreed to try this. She gave her word.
So she'll try.
She sits gingerly, back perfectly straight, hands folded in her lap. That's acceptable, isn't it?]
All right.
So she'll try.
She sits gingerly, back perfectly straight, hands folded in her lap. That's acceptable, isn't it?]
All right.
[Eh, good enough. Lance is a bit more stiff than usual too--he normally lounges back in his chair, but he's sitting forward with his elbows on his knees at the moment instead.]
So, the purpose of these sessions is to identify and talk about issues that are causing you problems in your life. Whatever we discuss in here will not be shared with anyone else without permission, except in the case of a clear and present threat to you or to someone else.
[So if he has good reason to think she's about to harm someone or herself, patient-client confidentiality goes out the window.]
So, the purpose of these sessions is to identify and talk about issues that are causing you problems in your life. Whatever we discuss in here will not be shared with anyone else without permission, except in the case of a clear and present threat to you or to someone else.
[So if he has good reason to think she's about to harm someone or herself, patient-client confidentiality goes out the window.]
I understand.
[She doesn't believe him at all. Even being in this room is putting her at a horrible tactical risk - and yet, she gave her word. So it must be done. Maketh holds herself very still.]
Anything else?
[She doesn't believe him at all. Even being in this room is putting her at a horrible tactical risk - and yet, she gave her word. So it must be done. Maketh holds herself very still.]
Anything else?
Usually we would set a particular length of time for a session, but I think leaving that open might be a better idea for now.
[Because either of them might want to get out of this early, even though Lance is going to try to avoid doing so because it isn't professional in the slightest.]
However, let's set a maximum of an hour for today.
[Because either of them might want to get out of this early, even though Lance is going to try to avoid doing so because it isn't professional in the slightest.]
However, let's set a maximum of an hour for today.
That is acceptable.
[She can endure an hour. It's not long at all. If needed, she can recite training manuals in her head. Perhaps work on improving the design Hux is suffering over. And if it doesn't hurt - Maketh feels certain it will hurt, somehow - then that--
That will be that. ]
[She can endure an hour. It's not long at all. If needed, she can recite training manuals in her head. Perhaps work on improving the design Hux is suffering over. And if it doesn't hurt - Maketh feels certain it will hurt, somehow - then that--
That will be that. ]
Then let's begin.
[Here goes nothing. He'd gone over how to start the session mentally more than once throughout the day, but things rarely go as they've been practiced; still, he at least knows how to start.]
Since this wasn't an ordered or mandated session, there must be something in particular--or even something broad--that is bothering you enough to want to speak with someone about it. Why don't we start with that?
[Here goes nothing. He'd gone over how to start the session mentally more than once throughout the day, but things rarely go as they've been practiced; still, he at least knows how to start.]
Since this wasn't an ordered or mandated session, there must be something in particular--or even something broad--that is bothering you enough to want to speak with someone about it. Why don't we start with that?
It was requested that I do this. I gave my word.
[Maketh narrows her eyes, suddenly certain he's going to mock her. She forces herself to breathe through it. Do not make yourself a threat, soldier. You promised. She exhales sharply.]
I am trying not to be an Imperial anymore. I want to be something else.
[Maketh narrows her eyes, suddenly certain he's going to mock her. She forces herself to breathe through it. Do not make yourself a threat, soldier. You promised. She exhales sharply.]
I am trying not to be an Imperial anymore. I want to be something else.
[He is definitely not going to mock her; he saves his mocking for when he's not working, and doesn't do it about patients.]
Alright. What does being an Imperial mean to you? What is it about being one that makes you want to be something else?
[He remembers what she told him at the ball, but he'd like her to go through explaining it again and preferably elaborate a bit more. It'd be good for her to have a solid idea in her mind, and repeating it helps with that.]
Alright. What does being an Imperial mean to you? What is it about being one that makes you want to be something else?
[He remembers what she told him at the ball, but he'd like her to go through explaining it again and preferably elaborate a bit more. It'd be good for her to have a solid idea in her mind, and repeating it helps with that.]
That I follow Imperial protocols.
[That feels too obvious an answer, though. Not really what he means. Maketh frowns. It's more than the uniform. Even Hux recognized what she was and his First Order supposedly came from the death of the Empire.]
That everything is a tool I can either utilize or break.
[It's said rather flatly. Maketh doesn't look at Sweets. She looks at the place beyond his chair. There's a crack in the wall. She wonders what caused it.]
I scare people. I don't--it's very easy to hurt them. I want to do something good for these people. But it is difficult. I don't think like them.
[That feels too obvious an answer, though. Not really what he means. Maketh frowns. It's more than the uniform. Even Hux recognized what she was and his First Order supposedly came from the death of the Empire.]
That everything is a tool I can either utilize or break.
[It's said rather flatly. Maketh doesn't look at Sweets. She looks at the place beyond his chair. There's a crack in the wall. She wonders what caused it.]
I scare people. I don't--it's very easy to hurt them. I want to do something good for these people. But it is difficult. I don't think like them.
[Indeed, the Imperial protocols thing means nothing to Lance really, but the rest of what she says does. He watches her carefully as she speaks, looking for an indication that she's being anything but honest, but he doesn't see anything.
This is a good thing. This sort of self-awareness is important, even though he's heard the part about wanting to protect the people of Hadriel before at the ball, and he's still unsure about how idea of what that means. But that's something to work out as a part of these meetings.
For now, he'll just focus on the part she said.]
Can you explain why you have this outlook, about using or breaking everything?
[He thinks he knows the answer because of other things she's said before, but that isn't the point; the point is for her to work it out. He's actually pretty sure she already knows the answer, but wants to be sure.]
This is a good thing. This sort of self-awareness is important, even though he's heard the part about wanting to protect the people of Hadriel before at the ball, and he's still unsure about how idea of what that means. But that's something to work out as a part of these meetings.
For now, he'll just focus on the part she said.]
Can you explain why you have this outlook, about using or breaking everything?
[He thinks he knows the answer because of other things she's said before, but that isn't the point; the point is for her to work it out. He's actually pretty sure she already knows the answer, but wants to be sure.]
It was required of me.
[She thins her mouth, not a smile.]
That was the first lesson at the Academy. Everything is expendable. Everyone can be used. You are nothing if you cannot realize that.
[And like before, she recites it verbatim. The instructors preferred it when they did that. Got every word exactly right.]
And if you are nothing, you will die. An easy lesson.
[She thins her mouth, not a smile.]
That was the first lesson at the Academy. Everything is expendable. Everyone can be used. You are nothing if you cannot realize that.
[And like before, she recites it verbatim. The instructors preferred it when they did that. Got every word exactly right.]
And if you are nothing, you will die. An easy lesson.
[Right, that fits with what he knows so far, and he gives a small nod; again, it's good that she can answer so clearly, although his next question might be a little more difficult.]
Do you agree with that lesson?
Do you agree with that lesson?
[Maketh twitches a little.]
Sometimes. Most of the time. It's difficult not to.
[Thoughts start spiraling in her head if she doesn't. Bad memories. Possibilities and endless what-ifs.
She's quiet for a long moment.]
I have people that I care for. Not soldiers. Not at all. And their lives matter. But in the moment, if I'm not careful, I see them as tools. Do you understand?
[Maketh hopes so, because she doesn't.]
Sometimes. Most of the time. It's difficult not to.
[Thoughts start spiraling in her head if she doesn't. Bad memories. Possibilities and endless what-ifs.
She's quiet for a long moment.]
I have people that I care for. Not soldiers. Not at all. And their lives matter. But in the moment, if I'm not careful, I see them as tools. Do you understand?
[Maketh hopes so, because she doesn't.]
[It's not the best answer, but it isn't an unexpected or unreasonable one. It's also one that makes a dent in his original concerns about Maketh's outlook, because he does understand this even if she might not.
Lance chooses his words carefully, keeping his voice neutral and clinical while still sympathetic; it's important to maintain distance, even--and especially--when he can empathize instead of sympathize.]
Survival mechanisms can be difficult to unlearn, even when they're no longer necessary or beneficial. But it is possible, if that's something you want to do.
Lance chooses his words carefully, keeping his voice neutral and clinical while still sympathetic; it's important to maintain distance, even--and especially--when he can empathize instead of sympathize.]
Survival mechanisms can be difficult to unlearn, even when they're no longer necessary or beneficial. But it is possible, if that's something you want to do.
This is done in your world?
[She doesn't mean it to sound so hopeful.]
[She doesn't mean it to sound so hopeful.]
[It would be difficult not to catch the change in her tone, but he doesn't comment on it.]
Yes. There are no miracle cures, and it's sometimes a long process, but it's entirely possible.
Yes. There are no miracle cures, and it's sometimes a long process, but it's entirely possible.
[That's what Emily said. Sometimes it takes years. A lifetime. Maketh considers this a moment. How much time does she have, really? Maybe not enough to change herself in the ways that matter. But maybe enough to try, just a little.
She promised to try. So she will.]
I see.
[She nods, meeting his eyes briefly.]
Then I will try.
She promised to try. So she will.]
I see.
[She nods, meeting his eyes briefly.]
Then I will try.
[He smiles a little, finally, because he believes she means it. And that's the best start that can be hoped for.
Now he has to decide whether to keep on this track or back up slightly and return to working out a few others, but he thinks this is the most important one and potentially the root of several issues. Therefore he decides to stay focused here for now, quickly thinking over what she's said and what techniques he knows in order to figure out where to begin.]
Okay, you said you have people you care for, yet find yourself thinking this way about. I'd like you to think of one of them, and you don't have to name them, but tell me two positive things about them that are completely unrelated to how beneficial or useful they might be.
Now he has to decide whether to keep on this track or back up slightly and return to working out a few others, but he thinks this is the most important one and potentially the root of several issues. Therefore he decides to stay focused here for now, quickly thinking over what she's said and what techniques he knows in order to figure out where to begin.]
Okay, you said you have people you care for, yet find yourself thinking this way about. I'd like you to think of one of them, and you don't have to name them, but tell me two positive things about them that are completely unrelated to how beneficial or useful they might be.
Edited 2017-05-13 02:57 (UTC)
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